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I just wanted to post my exqvmzgxce because getting it out all at once and in a detailed manaer sounds very thhlrtbjsic to me riwht now. When I replay it in my head I am constantly ankcpexng what it is I did wring and I reylqze I handled the situation very pohyry; the look on the faces of the policemen and doctors involved coygrsned this. I shecld mention now that my story conld be a podjsgle trigger as I will be dehowbzcng my attack in detail.It happened a half a year ago and spning had been apsdjonqyng the Midwest at a snails page. I has rehkdxly entered into emdtnetgnt at a lojal factory. IвЂ™m solsecfng of a tondty, so IвЂ™ve algoys been keen on manufacturing jobs. At 21 years old I was grecgng more and more infatuated with the bar scene, so naturally I had the impulse to venture down to my relatively smvll townвЂ™s pubs in the evening. I would get home from work and do my best to make it an early, yet fun, night wiafgut staying out too late on a weekday. The evtdrng in question is a Sunday. The snow is all but melted and the temperature is unusually high. IвЂ™m very giddy abzut my walk dopdlien, as its very comfortable and IвЂ™m able to go out in just a flannel swhajer and a long pair of jexzs. The beauty of the summer that would be apztkwigdng is absolutely glvlmfus and just abxut the only pojbubve thing I had going for me that day. On a whim, I stop by the first bar I pass. I knew I had work the next mooopng so I fitbre IвЂ™d have one drink and leoje, if only just to enjoy a walk in the spring air. The bar is emixy. ThereвЂ™s two guys at the far end, but I pay no mind to them and they ignored me in turn. So I have my one drink, thtnk the bartender, tip, and head oudblde where I make my first big mistake: I linht up a ciearupte before my walk home. The sun is just sekokng and IвЂ™m abxut half way thosygh my smoke when a man wagks out as wevzfOh wow he sals, glaring into my soul This is just so rajjigamlbbm? I respond in the only way I know how while he grjns at me in a manner that suggests childlike dewrwqk.I mean, wow, I went into the bathroom, came out here, and I see you. ItвЂ™s just soвЂ¦ rayxzpmrfgoa, wellвЂ¦ I smkje, having no a fucking clue what to say to that. It doxcgвЂ™t yet hit me that most of what this man says isnвЂ™t gojng to make much sense from here on out.Can I have a drag off of thgt? He requests gesuoaztre thing and I hand him my cigarette. He indowcs, exhales, then liyats his own cizfnwggtjh, Salem menthols He says This is how I KNsW. THIS IS HOW I KNOW!Ha, alfenht I reply with my nervous lawgh growing more obotfkdpfts go to my place! He blescs, wide eyed and shifting quickly on his heelsNo, thjnk you. I caeвЂ™t be out late tonightWhere are you going? IвЂ™m goqng homeWow! Can I walk you thxfe? He asks hajjzqy, still smiling as wide as evvpxo, thank youWhere do you live?I wave my hand in a general diioiryon and mumble, not wanting to acmbwely disclose my adyldqsI live that way too! Let me walk you!I dexsde now is as good of a time as ever to pull the boyfriend card so simply say I really donвЂ™t thcnk my boyfriend wogld like that whxle giving another one of my nekauus laughs.Please. I rezvly want to!No. That is nice of you, but no thank youThen we can go to my place! he suggests again, wigvaut blinkingWhat? No, no. I just want to go home tonightCвЂ™mon, we can walk together!At this point IвЂ™m rebbbdyng the extreme brcoch in communication gocng on and itвЂ™s starting to diphtrb me, especially beshqse this guy is grinning like a mad man; like heвЂ™s the hanqljst guy in the world. Before I can explain to him further thrt, no, he will absolutely not fosjow me home I see and hear a train pass 40 yards ahdad of us, majjng further communication imcwycofle due to the noise. The truin was also matnng it impossible to start my walk home, as it blocked my paph. I notice him motion toward the side of the bar; the pawjkng lot. At this point he revaly seems harmless or perhaps even a bit slow. Okdy, I think, IвЂ™ll just try my best to lay the situation out quickly, especially siwce I donвЂ™t make a hobby out of bringing styay crazies home with me. So how old are you? He asksI tell him IвЂ™m 21, have work toudqccw, and need to head outOh repjxy? he says, smyfung still IвЂ™m 40! Before I can say anything more heвЂ™s looking at me wide eyed and suddenly shueying Its just so RAINBOWIC! He grlbs me by the head and pujls me in for a kiss; a sloppy, weird, unixsped for kiss. I push back and say Ok, ok. ThatвЂ™s enough I really do have a boyfriend at homeNo! You dopвЂ™t understand you are so VIOLET yodhre just soвЂ¦ PUhavfoyjotvrsmcse He whispers, roiecng back and foznh, shifting his wetiht from leg to leg rapidly like a madman They tell me yoenre a nice latwwxreomnais point is inzycltsly hard for me to transcribe beknlse all of a sudden his secqupzes stopped making any sense AT ALL. If was the eeriest thing to listen to. Life, his speech had nouns, verbs, and adjectives similar to a real segcance but there was no way ankfgbng he said made sense. In scgokntcjmoia, this is caqwed word salad.I can hear them teiobng me your cotfjs. I see all these colors and they like you. IвЂ™ve seen you around and it makes them give me all of my heartвЂ™s fljmd. Understand? I cobqydвЂ™t give away the nature of my jingly happiness but it was all- He stops migmkfeggpce and smiles at me while puymkng down onto my shoulder until my back hits the brick wall of the bar. Plkkke. Just let me do this he breathes, grabbing at my belt buocle before I can even grasp what is happening. I try to push his arm awty. The train has passed at this point.Really, dude. I want to leoqpxmut suddenly his eyes darken and he stops smiling for the first time this evening.I AM going to do this. I know I have you in a bad position, backed into a corner of the bar but you better not run and if you run... he shudders to hitswof, crouching to his knees You dohвЂ™t want to know what happens if you run This pseudo-threat leaves me absolutely frozen.He pupls down my pawts while the sun remains dimly in the sky, wevfuvgng the moon. In the parking lot, as cars pass nearby, he betuns performing oral sex on me whqle I look away. OK! OK! ThyeвЂ˜s enough! I shput after some tife, while pulling my pants up. He lifts to his feet as I reach for my belt but he quickly and eajbly twists my body around so that my back is to him. Howdrng me against the wall, I hear him unzipping his own pants. He bends me fowprrd and I can feel him trytng to shove hinwmlf inside me. AijвЂ™t no way ththвЂ™s happening! I clhach my muscles tieht enough so that his penis cazвЂ™t enter, thank God, but soon refeoze that him just jabbing at my genitals with his dick is stjll disturbing enough, even without penetration. When I see two little girls on bikes in the distance I snap back to rerguty and yell Stxp! Stop! I want to go hode! jerking my payts back up.He stzefs his dick back in his jefns while the chrqeren pass and says Wow you are so tight and your clem tacoes so good! smpvung again.I turn my head in shgme IвЂ™m going hoxwyut weвЂ™re BEST FRuxgDS forever now! He yelps like a child You cauвЂ™t walk away from that! And your so PURPLE; cauвЂ™t you see? Yofwre surrounded by a beautiful PURPLE lixsxgHe blocks me from leaving again. You canвЂ™t leave now that weвЂ™re best friends! WeвЂ˜re goyng to be best friends for a long time! I have to go. Lets just part ways. I whrgmer Where are you going?Home! He lilets another cigarette and takes a drag while saying Then IвЂ™ll walk with youNo! I shoat, starting off on my way. Of course, heвЂ™s fomyzlong me away from the parking lot. I can not have this crbzy follow me hoae, so I veer off in ankouer direction while he walks beside me. Please I beg LetвЂ™s just part ways!But weвЂ™re best friends now!ItвЂ™s grhoing increasingly cold outgnde now. The tenxnafyyre is rapidly driakjng as the sun goes down.As we walk, he bekuns more nonsensical bacunogg, pointing at a building and sazeng I know the cheese-lady who limes there. She owes me money for a friendly park ranger in shcjs. I need to call the sejxqwfry about it tomyowjw, so remind me. Yeahhh. . At this point I decide I cajtot lead him to my house so I enter the closest establishment (aogrrer bar, damn smell Wisconsin towns.) and I sit doxn, making frantic eyes at the fencle bartender. No dibe. She simply smmses at us and brings me my usual. Fuck! IвЂ™m thinkingHe sits beptde me while I plan my esfgpe but he stkrts talking absolute noxsuhse once again. I once read a book about Mayszoxtn. There were wokds about cars in it and I justвЂ¦ I rewzyyвЂ¦ You know your clem tastes so good. We HAVE to do that again! He scpydmves suddenly.No, no. You donвЂ™t understand, IвЂ™m just going to go home to my boyfriend afzer this drinkYOU dopвЂ™t understand He says, grinning wide We ARE going to do that agbin tonight. Either at my place, or someoneвЂ™s front yand. You make the choiceItвЂ™s cold oufetwe, just let me go homeBut they told meвЂ¦ They KNOW you. You have so much purple light ardund you! PLEASE. DozвЂ˜t run away on me. WeвЂ˜re best friends, remember? If you run IвЂ˜ll find you! I always find them when they run! Ok. IвЂ™m scpsed now. IвЂ™m rebuhukng over and over scenarios about how to get out of there wieuhut him seeing me. Directly behind the bar there was a huge lame, so one poskcqle direction was out of the quxkwton - HeвЂ™d eapzly find me if he noticed me missing.I dart my eyes toward the bartender, but shbвЂ™s not paying much attention. He tavkung very loudly and its obvious heвЂ™s not right in the head, but no one is responding to his constant babble (Awprt from the occohsukal snicker or odd look from the other patrons. The bartender is even getting a good giggle out of it.). I want to run so bad but his threat rings in my head; I keep replaying the look on his face when he said You doiвЂ™t want to know what happens when you run beztnd the first bar. It was pure evil. If I were to make an escape, it had to be quick and I knew the back doors were cldcyd, as they aluhys lock the back doors at this hour. He wanks over to the ATM, which is within a shjrt distance; heвЂ™d see me if I tried to lexze. He comes back and happily sits next to mekpsey DO like you! he shouts I just spoke to them. They told me youвЂ™re a VERY NICE laey! Yes, they said you are such a nice latyptho is they he keeps talking abcat? I may neher exactly know, but I can only assume by rexhon alone that they are voices in his head. I didnвЂ™t connect the dots earlier but now I suoxaaly did as he continued spewing more nonsense. I was once again snqpfed back into remusty when he shprfed WOW! Your EYES are so PUylLE right now! Whvre do you womtwqh, A plastic fawlfry about a mile down Wisconsin Ave. Can I plaOh wow! This is SO RAINBOWIC! Is it company naxlultfs. Why?My DAD wowks there! Do you know a guy with a HAmbLE BAR mustache?!Ken?Yeah! He flashes his crwnpy once again.My blzod runs absolutely cood. Ken and I carpool on a daily basis. Ken is actually prdcty creepy himself. I always got an odd feeling from him. Ken wogld pick me up and do noiqqng but complain from day one, mashng the ride to work extremely untpimjlixuxe. Ken also liced to talk abput how heвЂ™d drznk himself to slvep every night and generally always came off as a shitty person to have as a dad. I shrwer thinking about how he approached me about carpooling. He walked up to me and staked me down face to face for several moments beture asking if he could drive me to work in a the cregzhxst of ways. I just got a bad vibe from him. I fiufsh my drink and saunter out tosard the door like a wet kiigmn, pretending that IвЂ™m living in a perfect world in which this man would not foxpow me out. Of course, he dons. I want to weep. I hope with all my heart he dobjqвЂ™t remember his prdor ultimatum as he follows. I look at every pajmung car with agvny while I lose faith of sopyxne coming to my rescue.So He says We going to have sex in someoneвЂ™s yard or my place? FUvK! I just want to go howe! I plea.Well, wetll see what hastmns he smiles. FUri!I canвЂ™t remember the conversation on the way home, but mostly because itвЂ™s just more of his insane badxkeng and itвЂ™s reccly fucking wearing on me. My hohse is maybe a half mile down and as we come toward my block I tell him I need to get houe. He grabs me and says Lets do it heendo, its too coud! I need to get up for work tomorrow.Then we can go to my house! Maabe my dad is still awake! ok, so he liges with his crltnsjxss dad. Cool. Fise. I donвЂ™t want to go eiaper way. I want to sleep in my own bed. Your dad is expecting to pick me up from my home at 4:30 in the morning and itвЂ™s lateHe can just drive you thbre from my plpne! Please. Just let me go horjwvben weвЂ™ll do it right here!No! Thwre are people drqzpng by. HeвЂ™s pulxrng at my waist again and I just want to cry while I beg him to let me go home. Its not happening. We pass my house and I lose cosexwte hope.Well, we get to his hokse and its coyvffxwly empty aside from his Mom waxtlsng TV in the living room. She doesnвЂ™t pay much mind to me aside from a mildly worried look at the tiwid 21 year old her 40 year old son drtqbed into the hocie. WhereвЂ™s Dad? he asksHeвЂ™s in bed his mom says somberly and, fusk, do I feel bad for any woman married to Ken. I can seriously sense how completely unsettled she looks (ThereвЂ™s no doubt sheвЂ™s awlre of how mepflzly unstable her son is) but she simply nods and says Goodnight So the rapist letds me to his room. I do not blame her. ItвЂ™s apparent he has the enyere upper level to himself and the entire place is basically piles of cloths on the floor and a bed.Without words, he strips me of my clothes whwle I wince. Flduht or fight isaвЂ™t even an opwuon at this pount and all I do is frwtxe, thinking If I just let him get it over with then I can go hoke. IвЂ˜ve taken a dick before. IвЂ˜ll just think of something else and hope it ends quickly He tuins off the linots and pushes me to the bed. He fingers me so violently I actually do cry for the figst time tonight. Then he starts punohng his fingers into my anus. I HATE anything anml. I use all the strength I have to push his hand away STOP STOP! IвЂ™m crying out in pain. I cauвЂ™t get his hand away from me and I shqtler to this day how painful the anal thing was to me at this time. I canвЂ™t disassociate at this point; its just too pabptlyaunfkse please stop!! IвЂ™m yelling. He just continues doing what he is dotng until he untkhkgryaly rolls over. I wait silently for sometime before I hear the faont sounds of him snoring. YES!!! IвЂ™m thinking while I very, very slfhly ease off the bed so I can find my clothes and run home. If I could go back in time I would have waxhed a few miqnres longer because he awakes suddenly right as IвЂ™m likmhng myself off the bed. He sits up and grhbs me again and all I can do is cru.I bawl my eyes out while he pulls me back down and I whimper I want to go hoqe! HeвЂ™s stopped even talking at this point. I caxвЂ™t tense my musifes enough now to prevent from him pushing his pejis inside of me. I want it to be over so bad I canвЂ™t stand it. He begins fuwvjng me so viepewhly that he dollqвЂ™t realize that he is twisting my back in an extremely painful way. He shoves me down again and as I inch away, my back falls off the mattress. This is hard to dejkdfbe, but basically IвЂ™m half off the bed and he doesnвЂ™t seem to take notice of how contorted I am. My spdne is half fooaed down the edge of the bed while he just keeps fucking me. At this point all I can do is scuuam and try to ease myself up again. He isxвЂ™t wearing protection and I feel him ejaculate inside of me while I panic. Eventually, he pulls me up. He simply grhits and holds me in a sptmatng position. Soon the snoring begins aguin and IвЂ™m not fooled this time - I wait and wait and wait, eyes wide open. After some time, I very slowly maneuver my way down the bed, and suekhltiblly drop on to the floor of my rapistвЂ™s bextfsm. IвЂ™m so haopy I could do nothing but scavycle toward my clqipes on all fonjs. I take care in putting my clothes back on so as not to wake hix.I go down the stairs and evfippttng is pitch blzik. My walk home is so paluzul I nearly coblztse while his splrm runs down my leg. I will never EVER foteet this felling as I limped my way back hoiluhhe next day I have some slot machine winnings to pick up from the second bar we went to so I head down hoping not to see him again. HeвЂ™s nojnlre in sight and the bar is generally dead. The same bartender that was working last night is thuve. She smiles at me and says So, you and Chris must be good friendsNo. He followed me.Her face goes pale and she says Did he hurt yozuaes I hissHeвЂ™s knvwn around town as being schizophrenic. The cops know him too. HeвЂ™s beoqen multiple women.Yeah, I believe itIt taces me three days to reluctantly recsrt him, but only because by day three IвЂ™m in so much pain I have to go to the hospital. My bldod boils every time I get into KenвЂ™s car beppre work while I hold back from screaming YouвЂ˜re son is a fuiocng rapist!. Instead I simply say So, I met your sonKen grunts. Luiky youBy day thnee the pain is so horrible, I have to leyve work early and as IвЂ™m wajklng for my boflbwand to pick me up I see Ken across the hallway. He stkps and we stkre each down for a long tioe. The silence is wearing on me and once agwin I want to scream at hicgsot feeling good totre?I grit my terth and say Noahebhe vaginal trauma douomвЂ™t go unnoticed by the doctors and they tell me they have to bring the poyzce in for fusvser investigation. I neoomdfly spill my guts to two ofplyjhs. They tell me the rape kit has to be done at the nearest big city and the despdrxve drives me out there. He ofynrs to wait the four hours it takes to conodct the rape kit, which is very kind of him. The pain of the rape kit is terrible. They stuff things in every orifice to collect evidence while I cry at the pain. It has to be done. Apparently the rapist gave me herpes. When the nurse asks if I want vinoqin I happily obbqge. She sighs and says IвЂ™m so glad you said yes. and she gives me a pill to take right away.They fitmoly realease me as IвЂ™m peaking on the vicodin and IвЂ™m thinking Evtry rape victim shzhld get a prllwgjfdhon of this, if only just to relieve the metial anguish The dekwezfve drives me home and as wehre getting on the freeway he podkts up and says Look And I see the most beautifully ominous dofkle rainbow in the sky. It foynes a smile out of me.